SGA hosts movies every Friday and Saturday night on campus. The movies are really awesome–ones that just came out of theaters and aren’t on DVD yet. So far this year, I’ve seen Toy Story 3 and Get Him to the Greek. It’s free and way better than paying $10 at the movie theater.
This past weekend was Twilight: Eclipse. That’s the most recent Twilight movie title, right? Whatever.
WARNING: IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT AND THE MOVIES STOP READING.
Now that we’re all here. A review of Twilight: Eclipse.
When I was in 6th grade, I used to write stories in screenplay format. I think that these sub-par .txt files were lost on my ancient Geocities account, uncovered by the producers of Twilight, and adapted for film. In short: I’m pretty sure a 12 year old wrote the script.
Let’s examine this riveting scene between Bella, the protagonist, and Jacob, the shirtless wonder.
Jacob: [on Bella being turned into a vampire] I would rather you be DEAD than turn into one of those blood suckers!
[Thirty seconds of reaction shots filled with furrowed brows and lip-biting follows.]
Bella: … I can’t believe you said that.
This prompted a loud, unnecessary guffaw from me that no one else in the room appreciated. The profound nature of the struggle between Edward and Jacob’s love for Bella nearly moved me to tears.
Edward: You’ll never love Bella like I do!
Jacob: … You’re wrong.
Clarification: tears of laughter. The overall movie was boring as snot, mostly comprising of redundant scenes of Bella and Edward discussing marriage and arguing, and then Jacob coming in and Edward pointing out that he never wears shirts. The other 30% of the movie was major discussion about a gathering vampire army with very little fruition of its touted danger. The last 0.5% was wrapping up an actual plot from the first movie. I thought the anti-climactic, nearly no-score Word Cup final between Netherlands and Spain was more exciting. At least there was more action.
Let me step back for a moment. I have not read the books. I have considered reading the books because, like the true scientist I am, it is best to have first-hand research before forming an opinion. At the very least, I have sufficient data from trusted colleagues who say: “The story is addicting but the writing is atrocious.”
If it’s some consolation, Twilight gives me hope that my slightly-better-than-atrocious writing could one day be published in young adult fiction. I mean, really. If a farce of a vampire love story can yield a multi-million dollar film franchise, maybe I can earn enough money with my action/adventure dystopia to buy a Segway. I really want a Dodge Challenger. But I won’t get full of myself.
PS – Charlie is my favorite character.