Conflict Management
Accept conflict.
Remember that conflict is natural and happens in every ongoing
relationship. Since it is unavoidable, we must learn to manage it.
It is a sign of a need for change and an opportunity for growth,
new understanding, and improved communication. Conflict cannot be
resolved unless it is addressed with the appropriate
individuals.
Be a calming agent.
Regardless of whether you are being a sounding board for another
member of your organization or you are dealing with your own
conflict, your response to the conflict can escalate or decrease
the intensity of the problem. To be calming and helpful, provide an
objective or neutral point of view in order to work with the other
party and achieve resolution.
Listen actively.
Work through how you feel, what the specific problem. Some
questions that you might ask: What triggered the conflict? Who are
you angry with? What are you not getting that you want? What are
you afraid of losing? Is your anger accurate or exaggerated? How
can it be resolved?
Model neutral language.
When people are in conflict they use inflammatory language such as
profanity, name calling, and exaggerations that escalate the
conflict. Restate inflammatory language in a more objective way to
help make the information less emotionally laden and more useful
for future discussions.
Separate the person from the problem.
View the problem as a specific behavior or set of circumstances
rather than attributing negative feelings to the whole person. This
approach make the problem more manageable and hopeful than deciding
you "can't stand" this person any longer.
Work together.
This requires that each person stop placing blame and take
ownership of the problem. Make a commitment to work together and
listen to each other to solve the conflict.
Agree to disagree.
Each person has a unique point of view and rarely agrees on every
detail. Being right is not what is important. When managing
conflict, seeking the "truth" can trap you rather than set you
free. Truth is relative to a person's point of view.
Focus on the future.
In conflict we tend to remember every single thing that ever
bothered us about that person. People in conflict need to vent
about the past but they often dwell on the past. Often the best way
to take ownership of the problem is to recognize that regardless of
the past, you need to create a plan to address the present conflict
and those that may arise in the future.
"Move past positions".
A position is the desired outcome of a conflict. Positions are not
negotiable and result in impasse.
Share your interests.
To solve interpersonal conflict, all parties must talk about their
interests of the whys behind their positions. They must share their
true interests and work together to find a solution that satisfies
those interests. When individuals have differing lifestyles,
values, and schedules the need to discuss their differences is
critical in managing conflict. You must develop a balanced plan of
give and take that satisfies everyone's interests.
Be creative.
Finding a resolution to the problem that satisfies everyone
requires creativity and hard work. Be careful not to give in simply
to avoid conflict or maintain harmony. Agreements reached too early
usually do not last. Think outside the box.
Be specific.
When problem solving be very specific. Clarify ambiguous terms that
each person may interpret differently.
Maintain confidentiality.
Encourage others who are in conflict to deal directly with the
person they are in conflict with. Avoiding the conflict and venting
to others tends to escalate the conflict and fuels the rumor
mill.