SEND ME TO FASHION WEEK. RIGHT NOW.

I know you’re all upset about this for several reasons.

1) You don’t have a tiger the size of a small child.

2) The tiger you don’t have is sitting in front of a fun box you don’t have.

3) You don’t have Butler-decorated pillows in the windowsill you don’t have.

4) Yeah that’s right. Kass made our ottoman cover.

5) Oh, and–I HAVE A CAMO SNUGGIE.

I don’t know if you people have heard of White Whines, but here’s one for you right now: I have to hem my one-size fits all Snuggie! Ugh, it is just so. long. I mean, I understand it has to keep your warm while freeing your arms to do mundane tasks. But what if I have to get up to get a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos? I might trip on my platform pumps.

I need to break in those shoes for next weekend. It’s serious business. And I need to do it in the comfort of my camo snuggie. Geez, people, don’t you know anything about the American way?!

I love my snuggie. It has pockets.