Q. You’re not better than me because you visited Venice. I heard it’s overhyped and really expensive.
A. Words of an ignorant man. As I was saying, the city was alive with festivities. I split my time between exhausting my camera’s battery and my wallet at delicious restaurants or tourist sights. Normally I try to avoid being a tourist, but in this case I had to give in.
Q. Know the best way not to be a tourist? Stay in your own country and stop complaining.
A. Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t bring you with me! You would have loved the flight of the angel (an event that left my neck begging for rest) and all of the panoramic shots of the canal system. I just didn’t feel like being crazy abroad. But, I can buy you a knick-knack if that’ll make you feel better.
Q. …It might.
A. I’ll get you one from Venice. How about a mask to remind you how much you missed out on!
Q. I don’t like you.
(Thus concludes Andrew’s first and only existential dilemma.)